The chains of habit that tie us to food
“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken”.
Samuel Johnson
This rings SO true to me in so many areas, and especially in regards to our eating habits, right? We are shaped by so many forces, there are so many people and experiences that have exerted a powerful influence in our lives...
And we develop habits, these things that we do or we think over and over again. Habits are so amazingly powerful, in both directions. “Good” habits, and by this I mean habits that help you move closer to how you want to be or what you want to accomplish. And then we have the other ones, the ones that really get in the way of us reaching our goals, in terms of how we want to be or how we want to perform.
And the truest part of all about habits is that, they are so “weak” to be felt at the beginning, or shall we say so soft, perhaps? kind of inconsequential at the beginning to really be noticed by others or even by ourselves.
For those of us who struggle with emotional eating in any way, I think it generally starts this way. At the beginning, relying on food to manage our emotions may not have such a profound effect. A chocolate here, an ice cream there. The bag of chips at 10am out of frustration, or perhaps the late night snack that we D-E-S-E-R-V-E after a looooong day, don’t we?
And it is all good. Because for quite some time it may not have an impact on our appearance, self-esteem, let alone our health. Nooo, at the beginning, we mostly feel how much food actually helped us keep working when we were bored out of our minds, or feel a bit of more ease when we are heartbroken, or even somewhat more grounded when anxious. At the beginning the chains are too light to be felt.
The truth is for a lot of people food may be a way of navigating emotions that do not necessarily bring serious negative consequences ever in their lives. Perhaps it is that the extent that they rely on food is less, or they may need a lesser quantity of food to feel the offset of the painful or overwhelming emotion. But for some of us it is a different story.
But for some of us it is a different story.
Time passes, habits form, and now the chains are too strong to be broken. We try. We decide. We commit. We promise. We look for alternatives. But we have such a hard time putting this behavior to rest.
I have been trained as a therapist so I am always super curious about the really complex behaviors—they always catch my attention the most :) And emotional eating is certainly a complex one—for one there is a real, very pleasurable sensation in our brains when we consume foods.
There is a “dopamine rush” as research calls it—and dopamine has been called the “feeling good hormone.” We now know that dopamine is released in our brains twice in response to consuming food: once when we first ingest food, and then again when food reaches the stomach. So there is an actual, physiological effect in response to eating that makes us feel good, and this feeling good can mean for us at different times feeling less alone, or less anxious, or less sad or more energetic. The main point being is that if you struggle with emotional eating you may be continuing to engage in it because (partially) it works!
It works in alleviating whatever painful, overwhelming, or even numb feeling you were experiencing.
And how much we wish the story would stop here, right? But for some of us it doesn’t. It doesn’t because for whatever reason, the amount we eat or the frequency with which we eat to navigate emotions exceeds the point in which there are no real negative consequences coming from it. Right? So, for many, many people, eating to navigate their emotions never ends up being a substantial problem. Who hasn’t ate a piece of chocolate (insert your favorite treat) in response to a stressful day? A very human experience I would say.
But if emotional eating is an issue in your life, then we are likely experiencing negative consequences because of it. Perhaps the consequences are observable like gaining weight, or perhaps they are not. We may be impacting our health in ways that cannot be noticed outwardly. But we may have a crude awakening when we go to the doctor and now our numbers are off. Or it may not relate to our health at all but we may feel less energetic, more lethargic, or feel out of breath after climbing a set of stairs. And that leaves us pondering.
Or we may realize we cannot keep up with our young kid who wants us (demands us) to run around and kneel and get up and kneel again 10 times a day.
Or we may notice in our kids that they are adopting eating habits early on that would likely hurt them in the future. But how can we impart advise when we ourselves have such a hard time relating to food in ways that may not eventually hurt us?
I firmly believe that self-awareness is a powerful key to start any journey toward change. Awareness. Self-understanding. Being really curious about why we do what we do. You are a smart, reasonable person. Yet this can happen to any of us. So self-awareness is for me the first step to really start working towards redefining our relationship with food.
Food can bring up so much. Food can provide comfort. What if we need comfort and we are only partially aware that food is in some odd way fulfilling this role? The comfort-er. It may seem simple or straightforward but I believe it is not.
The chains of habit. Too strong to be broken. Where the hope lies for me is in inviting our curiosity and self-compassion in our work toward befriending. Toward making space. Eventually toward understanding. From the inside out. And as our awareness grows I believe we will be able to see more possibility. More paths. More alternatives to fulfill emotional needs in other ways, and not only with food. And notice that I say, not only. Food can totally be a part of the equation.
There is nothing wrong with food! I love stressing this. Food can be a way of expressing or providing love. I am even writing this with my little something by my side :) For some awkward reason, we feel less alone. The cup of coffee in hand in the morning. I just love it. There are ways to reap the benefits of what food can offer us emotionally (in addition to the nutrients of course) without paying the unbearable price of being controlled by “food noise,” cravings and urges. The cycle of shame and guilt. Of feeling less than. Of committing to start again tomorrow.
If this resonates with you, I invite you to take the first step of heading over to claudiaperolini.com/quiz and take my free quiz to identify what are your #1 emotional eating triggers. Along with the results, I will be sharing insights and tips as to ways to begin shifting your relationship with food. I know this work is gradual.
But as Karen Lamb beautifully said,
“A year from now you will wish you had started today”. ”
If you want to walk this path toward freedom and possibility, I would love to support you in it. You can find more information about ways to stay connected over at claudiaperolini.com
What is your #1 emotional eating trigger?
Cheers to you in this new beginning,
Claudia